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2. |
Beginning - Sunken
05:45
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3. |
Beginning - Non-Zero
03:14
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5. |
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Sleepless nights
Counting the number of cars I wish had hit me
Never really asleep, never really awake
The number of days my mind has forgotten
Losing myself since I lost it all
What would become of me?
The curtains had fallen
When would this go away?
Reaching out for air,
Grasping for life;
We're in two different worlds now
When would this go away?
My thoughts have consumed what's left of me
(I'm lost in the constellations
I'm lost in the thick blood
I'm lost in the rationalization
I'm lost in the wish I could)
When would this go away?
We're in two different worlds now
But I can't face the one I'm in
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6. |
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I never had a chance to say goodbye
Another day that passes; it still doesn't feel real
You're on some kind of permanent vacation now
In a place I can't see or feel
I wish I could rewind all of the years we spent
I'm still associating guilt with it all
Now all that's left are the memories I have of us
Engraved where you lived in my soul
So I imagine every now and then, I'll pick up a pen
And write some words to make sense of this, while in my head
Playing the words you wrote and sang over and over again
I won't forget your voice until I hear it again
Two years later, I'm still stuck in your hospital room
Becoming a prisoner of my own mind
Like quicksand beneath my feet
Every second that passes feels like I'm running out of time
I can't defeat this demon in my head
I've read, talked, and written to you to set me free
But nothing seems to work
Nothing seems to work
You're still not here with me
So I imagine every now and then, I'll pick up a pen
And write some words to make sense of this, while in my head
Playing the words you wrote and sang over and over again
I won't forget your voice until I hear it again
I'm lost in this morbid sea
With no dock in sight
Which way do I go?
The only way is down
It's not enough to remember your voice
It's not enough to sing your songs
I'll let the waves crash over me
And soon enough, I'll surely drown
A fresh wound replaces your voice
A deep scar replaces the wound
A dull ache replaces the scar
Until it's simply a part of you
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7. |
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Plastic flowers in a clean glass vase
Dress shoes that got scuffed and blood-stained
Just an hour or so out of your day
Falling asleep to the sound of the train
Not a story quite yet
Just some idle talk between friends
The sort of thing you’ll forget when you’re older
Or put too much faith in
“Let’s have the wedding in March”
Faded pencil on the back of a postcard
Things you didn’t need to find
People you don’t know, giving a half-smile
“Let’s have the wedding in March”
“Let’s have the wedding in March”
Simple cursive with the date in print
Things they were taught that became irrelevant
Something still not yours
Something still not yours, in your hands
Someone still not yours
Someone still not yours, in your hands
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8. |
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Circle back around / If it’s not welcome, it’s allowed
I could get it all fixed, if you were who you were back then
But wash it clean too many times, and it’s worn thin
Circle back around / if it’s not welcome, it’s allowed
I’ll keep it all under control
But I’m not proud of you anymore
A list of phrases, that all work differently one way
It lost it’s value / Oh, you were supposed to say it too
Keep safe / The ring that fit better on your thumb
I’m fine being another one, I’m fine being another one
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9. |
GILT - Visitation
02:13
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Too stubborn to hold your breath
Trying to save all the room inside your chest
Too stubborn to hold your breath
I tried to tell you when you were on the way out
But it always felt like the wrong time
How could I say, “I love you” and not sound
Like I was trying to apologize?
You’re still the only part of myself I like
There was no precedent or manners
But you could still have not said it better
When you were finally released from all bondage
Hand still in mine
And I, for my part, I’ve tried to do a lot
To be the person you saw before I could be
And all the things that came up
And came in between
Cause you’re gone but you’re still not dead to me
Cause death’s familiar but it’s still not family
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10. |
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Nail marks in your palm that you can’t see yet
Cut back but they always do the trick
I’m swimming through lakes (skin depressed and then raised)
Introductions remade, and remade again
I’m puzzle pieces from different sets forced to fit
Not what it looks like / Not what it is
It’s a funhouse maze (introductions remade)
It’s a mirrored place
‘Oh, it’s nothing’
You love how it works, but never ask how it’s made
A place you can’t find on a map, a name you can’t even say
Something to take to make it easy (something to take to make it end)
And in the morning, hope I don’t turn back into myself again
The way I think of you will never change
The way I think of you will never change
The way you’ll never understand
The thing I could never explain
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Tenth Row Atlanta, Georgia
Forever in memory of Kevin Scheidt.
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